HAWAII — Day 8

Have you ever seen those funny photos of horrible parking jobs? You know what I’m talking about, right? They’re often captioned, “If you park like this . . . ”

Well, when Martha (my half-sister) parked our rented jeep in the lot outside our condo at the end of Day 7, she had to park it kinda crooked in order to fit evenly between two other poorly-aligned cars. The next morning, the other cars were gone, thus making it look as if Martha were the lone perpetrator. I made sure to call her out on it, and when she defended herself (and my mom started laughing), I took the following photo:


Good times.

Our only plan for the day was to hang out at Hapuna Beach, and we had an hourlong drive to get there. This was my view during the commute:


The one stressful moment of the day took place when we saw the following sign near the beach:



As it turned out, we didn’t encounter any suspicious objects, but still, it was a bit unsettling to even have to think about that.

The beach itself was gorgeous . . .


. . . and I enjoyed seeing people of all shapes . . .


. . . and sizes:


I also enjoyed boogie boarding for the first time in many years. Martha rented a board for ten bucks, and we all took turns using it. Here I am riding in on a small (but strong) wave:


My mom had never done it before, so I gave her a hand . . .


. . . and loved seeing her have so much fun:


Then Martha gave it a shot:


In the evening, we wandered around Kona and did a little browsing/shopping here:


We grabbed dinner at a Thai restaurant with a 2nd-floor balcony overlooking the street:


On the way home, we stopped at a convenience store so Martha could get some Advil. “Bring me back something sweet!” I yelled at her from the back of the jeep.

Two minutes later, she returned and handed me a brown paper bag. “I hope you like donkey balls,” she said.

She wasn’t kidding. Look what she got me:


Here’s a photo of the back of the package:


“Donkey balls” has become our new joke/saying. It’s amazing how many different ways we can work it into a conversation. Sometimes we’ll just sing the words over and over with operatic inflection and improvised melodies. What’s my age again?

This was the scene before bed:


Martha was looking at snorkeling photos on her iPhone, and my mom was tending to some serious business on America Online.

(I still have an AOL account, but I only check it twice a year. Some of my “friends” still mistakenly email me there despite the fact that I’ve been telling them not to since 2006. I don’t get it. Do they not understand how an address book works? Is it really that hard to permanently delete a portion of someone’s contact info? You know what? From now on, I’m going to un-friend people in real life if they email me on AOL. It’s just not worth wasting energy on folks that’re *that* stupid.) (Okay, I’m done ranting, and I feel a lot better.)


  1. Rocco Sinisi

    Hand Grenades??!!! Zack, if you need some help with the Hand Grenades, call me, I used to work on the Hand Grenade Range in the Army! Looks like you guys are having fun!!! I just did the same thing for a month in Tampa with Jill! “Mahalo”!!!

  2. jere80

    Was wondering why the fine folks at Donkey Balls chose to put a dolphin in their logo, then realized it was just part of the artwork. The look on that donkey’s face is priceless. (Also, good call by Martha getting the “gourmet” version…)

  3. benjordan

    big island is … well … big. volcanoes national park is excellent and worth teh drive. Best meal I ate in hawaii was at the ke’ei cafe on big island. Really good. If you liked Mama’s fish house, you’ll like that as well.

  4. Zack Hample

    Guess what? I deleted that AOL address last night. That’ll teach people not to email me there.

    AVI M-
    Excellent. I always wonder . . . how does someone need to live in order to end up looking like that?

    The jeep ended up being a pain in the ass. We never took it off-road, and since there were only two doors, one of us always had to climb into the back.

    Ha, yeah, the facial expression did add to the whole donkey ball experience.

    Nah. They were definitely “of age.”

    Damn, I wish I knew about that place while we were there. I’m back in NYC now.

  5. Nicholas Le

    I haven’t viewed your blog in a while due to moving and school. I’m glad to see you made it to my hometown of Hilo. Unfortunately, I’ve been away for 3+ years. Glad to see you had a great time.

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