Moving my balls

If you’ve been to my apartment (or seen this blog entry about it), you know that I don’t have any baseball stuff on display. I just don’t feel the need. (And I hate clutter. And the kind of women that I like never seem to like baseball. But that’s another story for my next book, which no one wants me to write.)

Each spring and summer, I accumulate lots of baseballs at my place, and at some point each winter, I haul them over to my mom’s place. (Her apartment is bigger, and she has a storage unit in the basement.) Last night was the night, and my friend Ben Weil was kind enough to help me.

Here’s a photo of all the balls ready to go:


I snagged 640 baseballs this past season, but there are far fewer in the photo above. That’s because I used 75 of them (which I’m still planning to donate to Pitch In For Baseball) for the helicopter stunt, and I gave away another 200 or so to kids.

Anyway, Ben helped me take the balls downstairs to the lobby. Then, while he went and got his car, this happened:


That’s my doorman Carlos. He’s the best.

Here’s Ben with his car. As you can see, the trunk is full of baseballs:


After that, we drove to my mom’s place and brought the balls downstairs to the basement. It’s kind of creepy down there, but hey, in Manhattan, you have to take advantage of whatever space you can find. Here I am (wearing a D’backs shirt in honor of Heath Bell):


To thank Ben for his help, I brought him back to my place and gave him a bunch of old ticket stubs that he’s been looking for. Here he is combing through them:


More specifically, he’s trying to collect at least one ticket from every game in which Mike Piazza hit a home run. (Ben, wanna post your list in the comments? Maybe someone out there will see it and come through.)


  1. Brian

    You should make a shelf that runs along the top of your walls in your apartment and put the balls up there as a decoration. After all, you are the king of snagging…you should have SOME baseballs on display. This way they won’t be cluttered and it would add to the…unique wallpaper. Just a thought.

  2. Ray Burton

    Display the ones that have most meaning and the commemoratives. More manageable and decorative. Most girls like a man with special balls. I thought you were ” spoken for ” anyway. Where’s that next book too ?

  3. Ray Burton

    How about an autobiography. Say ” A Sample of Hample ” or ” Confessions of a Baseball Collector ” ?

  4. Big Glove Bob

    How did someone who dislikes clutter so much befriend the King of Clutter, Benny Bang Bang? I would love an update on the state of Ben’s place. Last year it looked as though him and his mom would have to start sleeping standing up to save space.

    Big Glove Bob

  5. Mike

    Yea, you should build a shelf or a display case for your special baseballs, or find someone who can. Oh, wait, I should shut up now….

  6. Ben Weil

    Hey everyone- Waaaay too many I need to list them all, but if you think you can help out at all, feel free to contact me at Basically, if you go to this link:

    It lists every single one of Mike Piazza’s homers. So if you saw a game involving the Dodgers between 1992-1998, the Mets 1998-2005, the Padres in 2006 or the Athletics in 2007, you may be able to help! Also, the Marlins between May 16th and May 22nd 1998, I’d gladly take any of those tickets. I have my full list of games I need which I can email to anyone as well, if interested.

    Big Glove Bob- I’m actually downsizing and selling my jerseys on ebay currently. So, it’s not nearly as bad as it was. I don’t actually enjoy clutter either haha.
    Squire – Sorry :-)
    Connor – Thanks :-)
    kslo69 – All Piazza homers

  7. Zack Hample

    Yeah, but then the balls would be exposed to the light (it gets VERY sunny at my place) and they’d fade/darken over time.

    Robin and I broke up last month. The next book? Well, I do have an idea for something baseball-related, but the book that I’d *really* love to write would be sort of memoir that focuses on things other than baseball. Let’s just say that most people would be surprised. I like your suggested titles.

    Not for Christmas, but he does go there for about a month every year.

    It’s not like we’re dating. Jeez.

    It’s a sad day for all of humanity.

    You and your balls.


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