I ate breakfast yesterday at a restaurant. The waitress was 5-foot-10 and blonde and thin and cute…and from Poland. Did I ask for her phone number? No. I asked her to teach me how to say “Please throw me the ball” in Polish. (I need help.) She tore off the bottom of the check and wrote the phrase–in Polish–in black ink. Then I asked her to say the phrase (about 10 times), and as she did, I wrote it phonetically in blue ink.


As you can see, it’s pronounced “POE die mee PYOOK-uh.”

I suppose I should’ve written “dye” instead of “die,” but you get the point, not that it even matters because there are no Polish-speaking major leaguers, as far as I know.

For the record, I can now ask for a ball in 32 languages.


  1. boodleheimer1@aol.com

    *******! You should have said, “How do you say ‘Give me your phone number’ in Polish?”

  2. Nick

    Can you ask in any of those languages off the top or your head or do you have to review before you do it?

  3. Zack

    Well, I *do* already have a girlfriend, you know.


    I’ve memorized most…like at least two dozen. Greek is pretty tough, and I’ve never had any reason to use it, so I never bothered to memorize it. Then again, Swahili is just as tough and even less useful yet I’ve memorized that. Go figure.

  4. gjk2212@yahoo.com

    haha thats funny. i absolutely cant wait for the season to start. 85 days til the mets open in florida. now im watching mets classics, the chavez drag bunt!

    giants with a huge playoff win today.

    AND THE BIGGEST NEWS OF THE DAY!! the mets got angel pagan!! lol

  5. goislanders4@aol.com

    great. angel pagan. just another outfielder and still no pitching. what minaya gonna do next? ask bud selig to allow 5 outfield positions?

  6. tracycollinsbecky@yahoo.com

    wheres beltran and delgado ,im going to puerto rico this weekend,beisbol was canceled this year down there,no more p.r.winter league,free trip with my bro his company yearly conference.not at hilton leigh,el conquistador hotel google it …wear that green wig zack all season.

  7. MiLB

    Have you learned how to ask for a ball in any dead languages? Given that we may soon see the first zombie ballplayers, that seems like it would be a good idea.



  8. Zack

    85 days? Now down to 82. That seems like nothing. I need more time to relax and enjoy my off-season.


    The Mets COULD have five outfielders playing at the same time…but then they’d have to leave some big holes in the infield.


    A joke? What’s that?


    I’ve heard that advice/theory before, and it doesn’t really apply to my special world of dating.


    Have fun in the sun. Check back in and give us all a quick report, if you can. I’d love to hear a few details.


    I should learn to ask for a ball in Latin. Thanks for reminding me.


    Egypt is alive and well, my friend.

  9. db3par@aol.com

    I can help you out on Latin. I’ll see if my stubborn Latin teacher will tell me. He is very young and doesn’t seem to like anyone. I’ll try my best to get it. I’ll post it on Monday, because that’s when I have that class.

  10. dorfmunder@gmail.com

    Once again, you impress the **** out of me. I don’t know anyone as young as you who has had such a full life. It’s awesome!

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